Monday, August 24, 2009

Ajax bonds Khosi and Bhaka

After resurrecting his Bunene Ngaduane look-alike hair cut at the taxi rank. Khosi headed straight to his friend Baka Juju to catch a Chiefs VS Ajax game. Just before he could reach the entrance, Baka Juju spot him: “Eish, this ever-hungry boy has no timing, why does he always choose to pitch at this crucial time when I am about to finish cooking?” Baka Juju welcomes Khosi with a crocodile smile and makes him to sit at the TV room: “Haai, sisonke Khosi, ungahlala ngale…”

At this point the greedy Baka Juju is running out of plans on how to get rid of Khosi: “Should I tell him I just received an SMS about my uncle’s sudden heart attack…Eish, this boy won’t leave anyway he will come with an excuse that he will look after the house when I go check my uncle…”

Then Baka Juju, opened the pot that was busy boiling-up the Chicken, replaced the boiling water with the ice-cubes from the refrigerator to delay the cooking process. He carried on with the process until the end of the game. But Khosi still won’t leave since he had already smelt the chicken. Frustrated by this, Baka Juju made-up a phone conversation: “Hey Dawana how are you…What!!! Khosi’s girlfriend is in hospital? What happened?” before he could finish with his false call, Khosi interrupted: “Ag, it’s probably epilepsy, she gets one of those attacks every time when Chiefs gets defeated, let’s just eat and we’ll visit her later”

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Hell breaks loose in Cape

Newlands-Cape Town: He enters the field running at a speedy pace he had never reached before. What is he up to? the assistants ask each other. Mr Peter Mabuza blows his whistle declaring the start of the first leg of the MTN Top 8 semifinal game between Ajax and Chiefs.

Several minutes into the game, out of the blue Mr Mabuza blows his whistle. The game is paused, everyone is surprised and wants to know the reason for the halt. He runs to his linesman and asks “What’s going on?” His linesman responds “I don’t know, you are the one who blew the whistle, you tell me”. He thinks for a while and asks his linesman “since you are a Cape-Townian, do you think that cheap drug called Tik is too powerful for me?”... ‘What!!!’ exclaimed the linesman, Mr Mabuza runs back to continue with the game.

Few minutes later, Chiefs defender Rooi clears the ball close to his goal post. Instead of granting a corner-kick to Ajax, Mr Mabuza gives a goal-kick to Chiefs. Ajax players give him that protesting look while at the other hand Chiefs players are smiling. Mr Mabuza gets irritated by Khune’s smile and changes his goal-kick decision to a penalty. “Is he out of his mind?” his linesmen ask each other. Khune asks him what is the penalty for, Mr Mabuza tells Khune “You think you know too much. Let’s see if you can stop this penalty like you did with Bennet Chenene’s in Vodacom semis”

After Ajax’s Dipsy scored from the penalty kick, Mr Mabuza runs to the center of the field happily roaring the words ‘Abashwe, let these dogs die…Who do they think they are to win every Cup, Ayeye…Shapa Ajax Shapa”. That angered the fans and missiles were thrown into the field…

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Baka-Juju at it again…

While watching his team battling for MTN 8 semifinal spot with Ajax Cape town on DS TV SS4, sitting on his Goma-Goma lounge suite he bought from Lewis Furnitures, wearing a black & white shirt and a helmet embedded with a car registration plate written ‘Happy People 4ever’, Baka-Juju tells his friend about how Pirates got recharged energy from Charity Cup victory. His big satellite dish is hanging on a standalone pole 2 miters away from his shack.

Ajax scored an opener but Baka-Juju took it with a smile and said to his friend “Ladies First…” His friend asked if he was not angered by his team’s defense, Baka-Juju said to his friend it is not the culture of the “Happy People” to get angry or blame one another. Instead they focus on a come back and indeed Katlego equalized for them.

After the equalizer, Baka-Juju went on about how he wish to meet Chiefs in the final of the MTN 8, but a 77th minute goal from Ajax’s Dipsy changed everything for Baka-Juju. Firstly he threw his friend out: “You don’t deserve to sit on my expensive couch you piece of %$*%”, then destroyed the satellite dish with an axe while swearing “I am paying heavy monthly installment to see crap…you piece of &#*&%”. His neighbor came out to investigate the noise, only to be pursued by crazy Juju with an axe.

When police arrived at the scene they still could not understand what was going on as Baka-Juju was still running after his neighbor with an axe while the back of his shirt was printed in big letters the words “Happy People Forever”