Wednesday, December 14, 2011

How criminal charges involving PSL figures were dropped

1.The rifle, the overload, the rhino horns case in Mpumalanga

Mpumalanga Magistrate: "I can’t explain how the rifle and rhino horns ended up in his car but what I know is that a man on crutches can't run after rhinos. Based on that, I declare this case closed and out of my Mpumalanga court room. By the way Mhlongo, please leave those rhino horns in the court room on your way out. As promised"

2. The Vodka, the car and taxi crash case in Jozi

Randburg Magistrate: “The Police say he was drunk, the Doctor says he was not. No breathalyzer was used, no blood samples were taken. It is the word of the Police against the word of the Doctor. I mean who's word would you choose if you were in my shoes? Clearly that of the Doctor, based on that, I dismiss this case. Doctor, please don’t forget to leave contact numbers of that lady you were with so I can personally inform her of the outcome of this case”

3. The high-speed police chase, the tracking helicopter, and the stolen Jetta 5 case in Jozi

Johannesburg Magistrate: “This doesn’t make sense at all. Jabu Pule (Mahlangu) and Madluphuthu driving a stolen car? How did the two end up in this car? Who was driving this car because as far as I know Madluphuthu is retarded, he can’t drive the car. Pule is always drunk, he can’t even tell the difference between a windscreen wiper and the mirror. In this court room, Pule has already mistaken me for a Reverend and asked me for a holy communion wine. Based on these facts, I declare this case dismissed.

4. Assault and theft in News Café Woodmead case

Wynburg Magistrate: “I understand the assault part, but what I don’t understand is why Jali and Mabena would try to steal a necklace worth few thousand rands while their chairman has just given them bonuses worth hundreds of thousand rands for winning treble? The complainant is a Chiefs fan, clearly he did not get enough satisfaction from being assaulted in the field of play by the Mighty Bucs and asked for more assault from the Buccaneers outside the pitch. Based on these, I dismiss the case, Up The Bucs! *doing a bone-crossing sign”