Monday, March 5, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
PSL's got talent
Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to vote for your talented PSL individual who you deem has got a very rare talent. And the nominees are?
1. Dominic Mateba: Showcased his rare to find dancing moves on national television while celebrating an offside goal in the Nedbank Cup, a combination of Manyesa + Madiba dance which later became known as Hlokoloza
2. Shabba and Bafana Crew: Still in the dancing category is Siphiwe Tshabalala and his Bafana crew for proving to the world that not being able to read does not necessarily mean one is useless. One can do other things like dancing, plus dacing has got no rules to comply with. You just move that body...
3. Ntate Goodenough Sithole: The only man who can speak a language far better than its own inventors
4. Yeye: The only person that needs to do nothing to prove to no one that he's got talent. You just take a glimse at him and conclude the man has got talent
5. Belly McFatty: NB: The following comment might not be suitable for sensitive readers and was approved by Professor Roger de Sa of Wits University. While people are dying to get paid in Pounds, he is dying to get paid in Kilos. Meet Belly, the only man on earth who gets paid in Kilos...
6. Bra J: The real Mr Jack of all trades. He is not only the coach, he is also the team's owner, CEO, Chairman, Spokes Person (though he prefers the title 'Madam Speaker'), fitness trainer, team doctor, bus driver, pilot, goalkeeper coach, etc...
7. Go-man-go Maponyane: For crying at each and every funeral of Kaizer Chiefs Funeral Cover Plan members. They say this man cries like he knew the deceased, like he knew them better than anyone at the funeral. SMS 7 to vote for this Crying Man...
1. Dominic Mateba: Showcased his rare to find dancing moves on national television while celebrating an offside goal in the Nedbank Cup, a combination of Manyesa + Madiba dance which later became known as Hlokoloza
2. Shabba and Bafana Crew: Still in the dancing category is Siphiwe Tshabalala and his Bafana crew for proving to the world that not being able to read does not necessarily mean one is useless. One can do other things like dancing, plus dacing has got no rules to comply with. You just move that body...
3. Ntate Goodenough Sithole: The only man who can speak a language far better than its own inventors
4. Yeye: The only person that needs to do nothing to prove to no one that he's got talent. You just take a glimse at him and conclude the man has got talent
5. Belly McFatty: NB: The following comment might not be suitable for sensitive readers and was approved by Professor Roger de Sa of Wits University. While people are dying to get paid in Pounds, he is dying to get paid in Kilos. Meet Belly, the only man on earth who gets paid in Kilos...
6. Bra J: The real Mr Jack of all trades. He is not only the coach, he is also the team's owner, CEO, Chairman, Spokes Person (though he prefers the title 'Madam Speaker'), fitness trainer, team doctor, bus driver, pilot, goalkeeper coach, etc...
7. Go-man-go Maponyane: For crying at each and every funeral of Kaizer Chiefs Funeral Cover Plan members. They say this man cries like he knew the deceased, like he knew them better than anyone at the funeral. SMS 7 to vote for this Crying Man...
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Survived Abroad: Just what PSL players go through abroad...
Many wonder what happens to their favourite PSL players once they move abroad. Grave Diggers Inc have launched a new series titled "Survived Abroad" Here is the 1st episode:
1. Jerry Sikhosana, when Pirates' number 1 legend joined the Chinese outfit Unnan Huangto, Pirates fans were happy for him. Little they knew their number 1 legend would be turned into a Snake Milker. Jerry was responsible for extracting venom from snakes, before Chinese club chef could cook it
2. Pa Gaxa, following a controversial move to Belgium, Pa was turned a Human Alarm Clock. Pa was made to take note of team players and officials' awakening time and then knock on their room door to wake them up
3. Shaun Bartlett, though he finally broke into the line up, Shaun was appointed as a Shiner in his arrival days in Charlton Athletic. A Bald-Head Shiner specializing in shining half-bald heads of the likes of Paolo di Canio before the game and during halftime breaks
4. Helman Mkhalele, Midnight Express turned Midnight Watchman. He patrolled the team's camp to ensure no player leaves the camp at night
5. Knowledge Musona, Kaizer Chiefs' beloved son is now a German team Mascott
1. Jerry Sikhosana, when Pirates' number 1 legend joined the Chinese outfit Unnan Huangto, Pirates fans were happy for him. Little they knew their number 1 legend would be turned into a Snake Milker. Jerry was responsible for extracting venom from snakes, before Chinese club chef could cook it
2. Pa Gaxa, following a controversial move to Belgium, Pa was turned a Human Alarm Clock. Pa was made to take note of team players and officials' awakening time and then knock on their room door to wake them up
3. Shaun Bartlett, though he finally broke into the line up, Shaun was appointed as a Shiner in his arrival days in Charlton Athletic. A Bald-Head Shiner specializing in shining half-bald heads of the likes of Paolo di Canio before the game and during halftime breaks
4. Helman Mkhalele, Midnight Express turned Midnight Watchman. He patrolled the team's camp to ensure no player leaves the camp at night
5. Knowledge Musona, Kaizer Chiefs' beloved son is now a German team Mascott
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
How criminal charges involving PSL figures were dropped
1.The rifle, the overload, the rhino horns case in Mpumalanga
Mpumalanga Magistrate: "I can’t explain how the rifle and rhino horns ended up in his car but what I know is that a man on crutches can't run after rhinos. Based on that, I declare this case closed and out of my Mpumalanga court room. By the way Mhlongo, please leave those rhino horns in the court room on your way out. As promised"
2. The Vodka, the car and taxi crash case in Jozi
Randburg Magistrate: “The Police say he was drunk, the Doctor says he was not. No breathalyzer was used, no blood samples were taken. It is the word of the Police against the word of the Doctor. I mean who's word would you choose if you were in my shoes? Clearly that of the Doctor, based on that, I dismiss this case. Doctor, please don’t forget to leave contact numbers of that lady you were with so I can personally inform her of the outcome of this case”
3. The high-speed police chase, the tracking helicopter, and the stolen Jetta 5 case in Jozi
Johannesburg Magistrate: “This doesn’t make sense at all. Jabu Pule (Mahlangu) and Madluphuthu driving a stolen car? How did the two end up in this car? Who was driving this car because as far as I know Madluphuthu is retarded, he can’t drive the car. Pule is always drunk, he can’t even tell the difference between a windscreen wiper and the mirror. In this court room, Pule has already mistaken me for a Reverend and asked me for a holy communion wine. Based on these facts, I declare this case dismissed.
4. Assault and theft in News Café Woodmead case
Wynburg Magistrate: “I understand the assault part, but what I don’t understand is why Jali and Mabena would try to steal a necklace worth few thousand rands while their chairman has just given them bonuses worth hundreds of thousand rands for winning treble? The complainant is a Chiefs fan, clearly he did not get enough satisfaction from being assaulted in the field of play by the Mighty Bucs and asked for more assault from the Buccaneers outside the pitch. Based on these, I dismiss the case, Up The Bucs! *doing a bone-crossing sign”
Mpumalanga Magistrate: "I can’t explain how the rifle and rhino horns ended up in his car but what I know is that a man on crutches can't run after rhinos. Based on that, I declare this case closed and out of my Mpumalanga court room. By the way Mhlongo, please leave those rhino horns in the court room on your way out. As promised"
2. The Vodka, the car and taxi crash case in Jozi
Randburg Magistrate: “The Police say he was drunk, the Doctor says he was not. No breathalyzer was used, no blood samples were taken. It is the word of the Police against the word of the Doctor. I mean who's word would you choose if you were in my shoes? Clearly that of the Doctor, based on that, I dismiss this case. Doctor, please don’t forget to leave contact numbers of that lady you were with so I can personally inform her of the outcome of this case”
3. The high-speed police chase, the tracking helicopter, and the stolen Jetta 5 case in Jozi
Johannesburg Magistrate: “This doesn’t make sense at all. Jabu Pule (Mahlangu) and Madluphuthu driving a stolen car? How did the two end up in this car? Who was driving this car because as far as I know Madluphuthu is retarded, he can’t drive the car. Pule is always drunk, he can’t even tell the difference between a windscreen wiper and the mirror. In this court room, Pule has already mistaken me for a Reverend and asked me for a holy communion wine. Based on these facts, I declare this case dismissed.
4. Assault and theft in News Café Woodmead case
Wynburg Magistrate: “I understand the assault part, but what I don’t understand is why Jali and Mabena would try to steal a necklace worth few thousand rands while their chairman has just given them bonuses worth hundreds of thousand rands for winning treble? The complainant is a Chiefs fan, clearly he did not get enough satisfaction from being assaulted in the field of play by the Mighty Bucs and asked for more assault from the Buccaneers outside the pitch. Based on these, I dismiss the case, Up The Bucs! *doing a bone-crossing sign”
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
It never rains but pours at Bucs Special School
As the teacher arrives late for her class she finds Jali and Mabena on each other’s necks about the Mickey Mouse cartoon:
Jali: I am telling you Mabena, Mickey Mouse is a dog
Mabena: No, Mickey Mouse is a cat, look at those big ears?
"It’s a dog damn-it!, no it’s a cat” the two carried on until the teacher decided to step in
Teacher: Ok, ok! stop! Please stop! Captain Lekgwathi why aren’t you helping out here. Are you just gonna sit there and watch these two boys kill each other?
Lekgwathi: Mam, these two are dangerous these days. I don’t want to end-up with bruises similar to those they gave to that guy at News Café in Woodmead. I still love my face
Teacher: hew! I am surprised you still love your face. You two, can’t you see Mickey is a mouse?
*At the moment the Club's PRO Mickey Modisane enters the classroom?
Modisane: Hey! Hey! Ningazonhlanyisa lona maan (don’t drive me crazy). That Chiefs membership card does not belong to me. I am not a mouse nina maan!
*The class is shocked and asks each other what is it that Mr Mickey is talking about. Seeing the shock from their face he continues
Modisane: Ok, yes! the photo on that membership card is mine but that does not mean I don’t love Pirates…
Teacher: Mickey all the class was trying to solve was the animal that resembles the Mickey Mouse cartoon, now you are bringing in another puzzle with. Why do you hold a Kaizer Chiefs membership?
Jali: I am telling you Mabena, Mickey Mouse is a dog
Mabena: No, Mickey Mouse is a cat, look at those big ears?
"It’s a dog damn-it!, no it’s a cat” the two carried on until the teacher decided to step in
Teacher: Ok, ok! stop! Please stop! Captain Lekgwathi why aren’t you helping out here. Are you just gonna sit there and watch these two boys kill each other?
Lekgwathi: Mam, these two are dangerous these days. I don’t want to end-up with bruises similar to those they gave to that guy at News Café in Woodmead. I still love my face
Teacher: hew! I am surprised you still love your face. You two, can’t you see Mickey is a mouse?
*At the moment the Club's PRO Mickey Modisane enters the classroom?
Modisane: Hey! Hey! Ningazonhlanyisa lona maan (don’t drive me crazy). That Chiefs membership card does not belong to me. I am not a mouse nina maan!
*The class is shocked and asks each other what is it that Mr Mickey is talking about. Seeing the shock from their face he continues
Modisane: Ok, yes! the photo on that membership card is mine but that does not mean I don’t love Pirates…
Teacher: Mickey all the class was trying to solve was the animal that resembles the Mickey Mouse cartoon, now you are bringing in another puzzle with. Why do you hold a Kaizer Chiefs membership?
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Sir Bobby’s Letter of Apology
Dear Amakhoksi fakes faithful
I am quite aware of my actions of late and am not proud about such actions. When you came to the stadium wearing ladies’ bras I called you gay. Little I knew these would affect you drastically as I witnessed the birth of Cheerboy who not only came to the stadium wearing ladies bra but stomach-out and cheeky-pants.
When you threw vuvuzelas into the pitch I called you names, contrasted your behaviour to that of farm-workers on strike who are tired of getting paid in vegetables, you started throwing cabbages into the pitch right after my ignorant utterances.
When you called for my resignation from the team, I told you that I had never applied for this job at Chiefs, and I was not appointed or elected by the ANC or IFP, in response to my statement you started coming to the stadium wearing PAC attires, maybe you thought to yourselves: “If he is not appointed by the ANC nor the IFP, then he might have been appointed by the PAC”.
I do realize that my actions not only affected you the fans but my entire family. Junior is so ashamed of being associated with me as a brother that he started applying calamine lotion to hide his face during the day. He now wants to leave soccer for good and play rugby. I do acknowledge my actions were that of a bobbejaan, I therefore kindly beg for your forgiveness.
Yours truly
Bobbejaan Bobby
I am quite aware of my actions of late and am not proud about such actions. When you came to the stadium wearing ladies’ bras I called you gay. Little I knew these would affect you drastically as I witnessed the birth of Cheerboy who not only came to the stadium wearing ladies bra but stomach-out and cheeky-pants.
When you threw vuvuzelas into the pitch I called you names, contrasted your behaviour to that of farm-workers on strike who are tired of getting paid in vegetables, you started throwing cabbages into the pitch right after my ignorant utterances.
When you called for my resignation from the team, I told you that I had never applied for this job at Chiefs, and I was not appointed or elected by the ANC or IFP, in response to my statement you started coming to the stadium wearing PAC attires, maybe you thought to yourselves: “If he is not appointed by the ANC nor the IFP, then he might have been appointed by the PAC”.
I do realize that my actions not only affected you the fans but my entire family. Junior is so ashamed of being associated with me as a brother that he started applying calamine lotion to hide his face during the day. He now wants to leave soccer for good and play rugby. I do acknowledge my actions were that of a bobbejaan, I therefore kindly beg for your forgiveness.
Yours truly
Bobbejaan Bobby
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
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