Comments from Pirates VS Chiefs game

Pirates should just turn all their players and technical staff into musicians. Their debut single should be a remake of Teddy Pendergrass song "In my time" (Anonymous, Bareng News)

A certain gentleman who was sitting next to me asked what the 4th official was doing in the pitch. I asked him where the fourth official was he pointed me at Katlego Mashego who had not been running, let alone calling for the ball (Bhaka Juju, People's News)

Not even the special one Jose Mourinho can make Orlando Pirates win trophies, this team is cursed PERIOD. (Anonymous, MyFootballNews)

Easter message

As the crowd gathered at the holly mountain on the first day of Easter, eagerly waiting to hear the words of comfort and restoration from their leader in white ropes, he began speaking from the peak: "Unless a prophet like Eli come to speak life to them, by no means will those bones stand" When asked to translate what he just said, he said "Pirates will never win anything maybe if we lived in the days of Moses and Elijah. The days of miracles"

Khanyeza ‘faces’ the disciplinarian

Mambush the disciplinarian well known for slapping his fellow player Charles Motlohi for refusing to take a penalty, called upon Mabhuti Khanyeza immediately after collecting his 3rd red card of the season. Mambush was standing at the side of his team’s only 54 fans of 28000 soccer fans that filled Super Stadium to the brim when Khanyeza came with his hands covering his face.
Mambush: “What are you doing?”
Mabhuti: “I wanted to score like Maradona, remember hand of god?”
Mambush: “Oh, yes. I do remember. Stretch you arms and unfold your hands so I can give you something”
[Mabhuti does as instructed. Within milliseconds a whipping sound outbreaks, Mabhuthi is dropping a tear and covers his left cheek]
Mambush: “Now that’s what I call a hand of god. Get off my face before I give you another one”

Legend blamed for title loss

Mambush, a rock solid Sundowns legend who in 20 yrs of playing time was never carried out of the field on a stretcher nor treated for an injury is blamed for the Sundowns lose to Cosmos. Mambush caused a great headache in the dressing rooms before the game with his debtors’ book and a sjambok: “May I have what is due to me before you go spend all your money on scarves?” demanded the Chloorkop Tuckshop owner. Hearing that horrifying voice, Brian Baloyi decided to take a run for his life. The coach had no choice but to give the goalkeeping position to Calvin Marlin who had never seen a game in ages. “Had Brian started in the post, there’s no doubt Sundowns would have won the game” said the frustrated team spokesman Alex Shakoane. "Of all games, Mambush decided to collect his money at this crucial one" the distressing Mike Nanana Ntombela alluded.

Trouble in Mambush Tuck-shop

“Uncle Mambush I know I am buying on credit but this bread has expired, stru it has reached its sell by date. You may check the expiry tag” said the disappointed Siyanda Xulu, to which Mambush responded: “Hey wena son, nothing expires here in Chloorkop? If things were expiring Esrom Nyandoro would have long been asked to leave the club. So stop complaining and eat your bread” While the 2 gentlemen argued Vuyo Mere the Expiry-date specialist in the shop, brings in a tag with expiry date set for next 30 days and replaces the one on Xulu’s bread and says “Problem now solved, enjoy your bread sir"

Phobia or Allergy?

Teacher: “Boys between you and me. Kali’s case is similar to mine. When I was your age, I would run after a girl, twist her wrist and ask her if she loves me or not. Once she says yes, I would leave the scene at a speed of a light and run to my friends to tell them I have a girl. But when I see her again, I would go for a hide”
Stonza: “Sir, you sound just like Orlando Pirates. They fight all the way to the top spot in the league. Once they realize the top spot occupants will get a trophy, they ran away from the top spot. Are they allergic to trophies?”

In Nandos with the linesman

While Wits are dealing with a disallowed goal, the linesman Stephen Moshotle is sitting in Nandos with a former colleague.

Stephen Moshotle: "Hape mmata, motho o tshwanetse ho re a ishebele. Phela those guys are giving us peanuts, we can’t rely on them. I wouldn’t be eating here in Nandos if I did not raise that flag last night. Hope I am given that Moses Mabhida game on the 19th so I can have a good Christmas lunch."
Jonas Nhlapo: “Lucky for you mmata, Sundowns is doing it quietly. Pirates e jampisitse and now I am sitting at home broke and smoking like hell”