Bhaka Juju finally finds his sense of humour

He takes his very old black & white shirt printed ‘Chibuku’ with big letters at the front, to its back he puts his own writing with a marking pen the words “The Champagne” we all know he meant to write ‘The Champion’ but anyway, he takes a pride walk in the streets of his neighbourhood singing Kabelo’s song “It’s either you love me or you leave me alone” He makes a first stop at his friend Khosi Kaofela home who unfortunately heard the singing and told his son to tell Bhaka-Juju he is not home. Unfortunately the son did not put it in a convincing manner: “Papa are ke go botse gore ga ateng (Dad said I should tell you he is not around)”

Bhaka Juju knowing his friend might be listening to the conversation, he tells the son: “bona my laaitie, tell your father I was not here to discuss football. I was here to apply for the Chiefs-Hollard Funeral Cover policy that he sells but since he is not here I might take my business elsewhere” Not wanting to lose a client Khosi comes out of the house furious at his son: “Hey wena son! Why do you always have to lie to people that I am not around? Is this the education they give you at school, to lie to your elders? nxa… go to your room” The son who is confused at the moment respond to his dad: “But dad, this is a one room house which room are you referring to?” Khosi get irritated by the son: “Hey wena son, go to your friends I am talking to elders here, vaya! This kind of attitude is the one that cost us the league… go son”

Bhaka Juju seeing that Khosi is really angry he throws in a question to shift his focus: “Just what comes with this Chiefs-Hollard Funeral Plan?”. Khosi now gets back to his selling senses: “Eh! Ja! eh! you see Bhaka, we all want a dignified funeral don’t we?. You see, with this plan, you not only get the coffin, you also get a Chiefs legend Marks Maponyane coming to cry in your funeral… I am telling you, he will cry to an extend that people get convinced that he knew you…Everyone will talk about your funeral Ntwana”


Bhaka Juju: “hohoho! Marks Maponyane crying in my funeral… that will be a funeral and a half... hohoho, my funeral! But tell me Khosi, can they also write on my coffin the words: ‘Here lies Bhaka Juju, The Champion of 2010-11 league, the same league that Chiefs claimed they will win but finished without even occupying number 1 spot?’

Khosi: “And...where are you going with this now?”
Bhaka Juju: “No-no-no Khosi, no harm, I just need more infomation. Now tell me, how much should I add to my plan if I want Kaizer to come and hold the umbrella for my coffin?”


That is the question that led to the chasing and throwing of stones at Bhaka Juju

Out of KZN, coming to a cinema near you

This Winter From the creators of Re jewa ka bo-Yellow
Presents:
OUT OF KZN
Staring: Katlego Mphela, Wayne Sandilands
Also Staring: Diyo Sibisi and Sibusiso Hadebe

Tag Line: Money and Style ain’t nothing in the PSL
Plot: They went to the Zulu Kingdom in search of 6 points. They only returned with 1 reality that they are out of the title race. Out of KZN out of the Race

Just how and why Mbuyane collapsed

The chap was lying on his beloved Goma Goma couch enjoying his self-made fig juice (made from feiye [in setswana] mkhiwane [in zulu] vy [in Afrikaans]) when he heard noises coming from the back of the house. Since his uncle’s unlicensed firearm was confiscated in Mpumalanga last year, he was left with no choice but to take a broom and a torch to the scene. He could see the bin contents moving out of the bin but could not see what was taking them, could it be a cat? he asked, but a cat can’t chew like that, whatever it is, it is too hungry. As he approaches the bin, about 4 steps away he lit his torch…whatever he saw, sent very strong shockwaves his mind and body could not handle… see the photo below:

Top 3 worst jobs

3. Plumber, being a plumber is not necessarily the worst job, the worst job comes when dealing with sanitation related matters particularly sewage disposals

2. Manure Inspector, manure is an important natural fertilizer, but first it has to be checked for contaminants like E.coli and salmonella. That’s where manure inspectors come in. Not only do they get to search for bacteria that causes bloody diarrhea if ingested, they also get to wade through animal/human waste.

1. Cleaner, being a cleaner is not necessarily a bad job, the bad job comes when you are appointed to clean Pirates' only valuable trophy (MTN) night and day with the promise you will only get a salary increase once another trophy comes in and you know that will only come after another 10 years...

Still being evaluated against the top 3:

4. Being a Sundowns coach: Constantly under pressure from supporters and broke legends of the team who don’t know what they want. The technical team is busy backstabbing you, you go to complain to the club President only to find out he is not in office, he left to attend Chiefs game

5. Security Guard, being a security guard is not necessarily a worst job, the worst comes when you have to wear heavy boots, carry a torch and a stick through out a freezing winter night, patrolling the trophy room at Blomefontein Celtic offices, knowing very well it contains one ancient valueless trophy which is no longer contested in modern football and there is no modern trophy coming soon

First it was Bafana name now it’s Amaglug-glug name in the mix

First it was Bafana name now it’s Amaglug-glug name in the mix
A mysterious Limpopo man, Chikunda ‘Glug-glug’ Makinda, has emerged as the owner of the trademark of South Africa's national under 23 soccer team, Amaglug-glug. And no one - not even the South African Football Association (Safa) - can fully explain how this happened.
Sources close to Mr Makinda claim Chikunda came up with this name while attending a church ceremony where the famous Zulu hymn Amagugu alelizwe ayosal' emathuneni meaning ‘all precious treasure remains in the grave’ was sung. But since Chikunda was not familiar with Zulu language he could not pick up the word 'Amagugu' and mispronounced it 'Amaglug-glug' which the congregation of Tekabeka Community Church began to identify him by. It is still not certain how the name made its way to the SAFA offices.
Radam Radesh the lawyer that represents Chikunda Makinda is convinced SAFA owes his client money from using the trademark an amount estimated at not less than R56 million plus over R9.3 million if they are to buy that name from his client. This is a big blow to SAFA an organization that is fighting yet similar battle worth millions of Rands involving the name of the senior national team Bafana Bafana.


Radam Radesh (Chikunda Makinda's lawyer)


Chikunda Makinda owner of Amaglug-glug trademark

Unexplained PSL Mysteries…vol1

Can someone please explain these mysteries in our PSL?
1. The curse of the hearing
Jimmy Tau hears whistles that were never blown. Dominic Mateba can’t hear whistle sounds that are even easily heard by people walking outside the stadium. The poor dude celebrated for minutes 'an offside goal', even when the ref was blowing harder to stop him from celebrating but the dude carried on. Both Tau and Mateba play for Chiefs and were once in the book of Pirates, does this curse has a link to the slogan once a Pirate always a Pirate?

2. The disappearance of the most expensive cabbage
Chiefs were finned R500,000 for a cabbage that was thrown by one of the supporters during a PSL game. That cabbage was taken to PSL Prosecutor Majavu’s office to be used as evidence. That cabbage was nowhere to be found after the DC hearing and no one knows its whereabouts to date…

3. Case of the convenient cramps
Why is it that Pirates players always suffer cramps after scoring a goal, why can't they get similar muscle cramps when they are trailing or when the score is still 0-0?

4. Pirates supporters celebrating Nathi Lions’ equalizer against Chiefs, at a Funeral nog'al. One Reverend who supports Pirates made reference to Nathi Lions VS Chiefs game while addressing his congregation at a funeral he said, I quote: "My beloved church members, friends and family of the deceased and the honourable deceased, please be advised that Nathi Lions has scored an equalizer. The score is 2-2 now. Can I get an Amen to this great news?”

In Pretoria Gold Exchange shop with the linesman

Accomplice: hey mmata (friend), what will you do if they tell you that gold is fake?
Linesman: e-e-e! I will shoot straight to Chloorkop and show that middleman Shakoane something that has never been seen before, I will show him the breast of a snake jong! He doesn’t know me jong! umfunda e maphepheni...ncxx..
Accomplice: easy mmata, easy... I was only kidding... but mmata I must compliment you on your courage, not anyone would have given that penalty. I mean Khuboni did not handle that ball intentionally it was ball to hand...
Linesman: Aag! that’s nothing man
Accomplice: Heee! mmata, how many ounces did they give you phela (coz) you are the same guy who gave them the penalty against Wits… Don’t tell me it’s nothing, you are helping this team phela you are their 12th man it’s like they are playing 4 4 2 1 formation
Linesman: Man, I still say that is nothing, compared to the formation played by Pirates. They play a 4 4 2 4 formation, 10 infield players, 2 linesmen, 1 referee plus the 4th official on the clock side of things, you know, to give them that those extra-ordinary additional times