How criminal charges involving PSL figures were dropped

1.The rifle, the overload, the rhino horns case in Mpumalanga

Mpumalanga Magistrate: "I can’t explain how the rifle and rhino horns ended up in his car but what I know is that a man on crutches can't run after rhinos. Based on that, I declare this case closed and out of my Mpumalanga court room. By the way Mhlongo, please leave those rhino horns in the court room on your way out. As promised"


2. The Vodka, the car and taxi crash case in Jozi

Randburg Magistrate: “The Police say he was drunk, the Doctor says he was not. No breathalyzer was used, no blood samples were taken. It is the word of the Police against the word of the Doctor. I mean who's word would you choose if you were in my shoes? Clearly that of the Doctor, based on that, I dismiss this case. Doctor, please don’t forget to leave contact numbers of that lady you were with so I can personally inform her of the outcome of this case”


3. The high-speed police chase, the tracking helicopter, and the stolen Jetta 5 case in Jozi

Johannesburg Magistrate: “This doesn’t make sense at all. Jabu Pule (Mahlangu) and Madluphuthu driving a stolen car? How did the two end up in this car? Who was driving this car because as far as I know Madluphuthu is retarded, he can’t drive the car. Pule is always drunk, he can’t even tell the difference between a windscreen wiper and the mirror. In this court room, Pule has already mistaken me for a Reverend and asked me for a holy communion wine. Based on these facts, I declare this case dismissed.


4. Assault and theft in News Café Woodmead case

Wynburg Magistrate: “I understand the assault part, but what I don’t understand is why Jali and Mabena would try to steal a necklace worth few thousand rands while their chairman has just given them bonuses worth hundreds of thousand rands for winning treble? The complainant is a Chiefs fan, clearly he did not get enough satisfaction from being assaulted in the field of play by the Mighty Bucs and asked for more assault from the Buccaneers outside the pitch. Based on these, I dismiss the case, Up The Bucs! *doing a bone-crossing sign”

It never rains but pours at Bucs Special School

As the teacher arrives late for her class she finds Jali and Mabena on each other’s necks about the Mickey Mouse cartoon:

Jali: I am telling you Mabena, Mickey Mouse is a dog
Mabena: No, Mickey Mouse is a cat, look at those big ears?
"It’s a dog damn-it!, no it’s a cat” the two carried on until the teacher decided to step in
Teacher: Ok, ok! stop! Please stop! Captain Lekgwathi why aren’t you helping out here. Are you just gonna sit there and watch these two boys kill each other?
Lekgwathi: Mam, these two are dangerous these days. I don’t want to end-up with bruises similar to those they gave to that guy at News Café in Woodmead. I still love my face
Teacher: hew! I am surprised you still love your face. You two, can’t you see Mickey is a mouse?
*At the moment the Club's PRO Mickey Modisane enters the classroom?
Modisane: Hey! Hey! Ningazonhlanyisa lona maan (don’t drive me crazy). That Chiefs membership card does not belong to me. I am not a mouse nina maan!
*The class is shocked and asks each other what is it that Mr Mickey is talking about. Seeing the shock from their face he continues
Modisane: Ok, yes! the photo on that membership card is mine but that does not mean I don’t love Pirates…
Teacher: Mickey all the class was trying to solve was the animal that resembles the Mickey Mouse cartoon, now you are bringing in another puzzle with. Why do you hold a Kaizer Chiefs membership?

Sir Bobby’s Letter of Apology

Dear Amakhoksi fakes faithful

I am quite aware of my actions of late and am not proud about such actions. When you came to the stadium wearing ladies’ bras I called you gay. Little I knew these would affect you drastically as I witnessed the birth of Cheerboy who not only came to the stadium wearing ladies bra but stomach-out and cheeky-pants.

When you threw vuvuzelas into the pitch I called you names, contrasted your behaviour to that of farm-workers on strike who are tired of getting paid in vegetables, you started throwing cabbages into the pitch right after my ignorant utterances.

When you called for my resignation from the team, I told you that I had never applied for this job at Chiefs, and I was not appointed or elected by the ANC or IFP, in response to my statement you started coming to the stadium wearing PAC attires, maybe you thought to yourselves: “If he is not appointed by the ANC nor the IFP, then he might have been appointed by the PAC”.

I do realize that my actions not only affected you the fans but my entire family. Junior is so ashamed of being associated with me as a brother that he started applying calamine lotion to hide his face during the day. He now wants to leave soccer for good and play rugby. I do acknowledge my actions were that of a bobbejaan, I therefore kindly beg for your forgiveness.

Yours truly

Bobbejaan Bobby

PSL Invincible XI

In Hungry Lion with Mr Sithole

Sithole: 1 drumstick and a roll please

Waitress: And the drink?

Sithole: What do you mean 'drink'? Do I look like Patrice Motsepe? Give me what I have ordered and leave me in peace...

Waitress: Sorry Sir, was just trying my best to be at your good service

Sithole: Good service my foot. I offered that team my best service last night, even gave a penalty that never was but look where I ended up today, Hungry Lion while others are enjoying Nandos peri-peri chicken

Waitress: But our chicken is also nice

Sithole: Nice? What do you know about nice? Is it nice to get less than half a salary? Is it nice to be blamed for George Lebese's penalty miss? Don't you ever mention that word to me cause you know nothing about its meaning...nxa

While Sithole is busy with the waitress the middleman who facilitated the deal between ref Sithole and the team in question Mr Jonas Nlhapo makes a stop at the restaurant counter: "How much will your meal cost me if I bring my own pap?"

Angry uncle writes to Mayfair Special School

Dear teacher or miss what what

That is why you like it for the Pirates and you are tired for the class. You see, my sincerely is not for the stupid. You must show me why the exam is failed for him. You see, Andile Jali is not for the fool's what-what. His English marks were robbed because is for me who is to give extra classes for every day after your school. Is it because he is not Zulu S or Sotho what-what, maybe Xhosa? Please ensure is fixing the problem and you for it must stop treating my sincerely to be like idiot, jealous down.

It is with great pleasure for the writing this.

Truly yours
Goodenough Sithole

The search is now extended to the public

On 18:30 Saturday (30-07-2011), SAPS dog-unit joined a team of searchers comprising of FNB stadium management, Black Label tournament organizers, and City of Johannesburg's Pickitup unit in search of the penalty ball that was kicked by Itumeleng Khune. After searching the streets of Naturena, Soweto, Boysen, Goldreef City, Riverlea and surrounding areas for 6 days, The ball is still nowhere to be found. However the search still continues, the last update is that the ball might have landed somewhere in Hillbrow, the search team are exploring those areas. Members of the public are requested to join the search. Any leads or info that might help in finding the ball can be reported to City of Joburg on 011 375 5555.