Carlos Alberto Parreira, the smooth operator?

The picture above was inspired by the match fixing probe FIFA is conducting on Bafana matches particulaly the 5-0 win against Guatemala, and 2-1 against Columbia... So I thought of the game against France which was not mentioned in the investigation. I might be wrong but my opinion on the matter is that Carlos Parreira might have bought those games in order to give the nation an impression that the team was ready to conquer the world and of course to secure his R1.8 million monthly salary. I think he might also be responsible for the chaotic incidents in the French camp ahead of our last WC game, remember the then French coach Raymond Domenech did not even want to give him a handshake after the match... These are nothing but my speculations perhaps it will be right to wait for the final report of the investigation.

Letsholonyane finally found his match?

The PSL offered no challenge for Reneilwe 'Yeye' Letsholonyane but this is about to change. With the return of Leopards, are we in for yet another Yeye dominated PSL or Yeye has finally found his match?

Trapattoni shares his June 16 experience

Trapattoni: “… bullets were flying in all directions and since we did not have bulletproof vests I used the steel dustbin as a shield, I went through hundreds of bullets before I reached this young 5year old boy who was stuck underneath the police truck. I put him inside the dustbin and carried him away from the scene, safe to his mom’s home…”

Siyanda Xulu: “Wow! Uncle Tropattoni you are indeed a hero, so the boy, do you still have contact with him?”

Trapattoni: “Yes from that day June 16 1976 he has been my little friend hence I even compromised a lot to bring him to the team today. Innocent Mdledle is my young friend from old times”

Matthew Booth: “No ways! You mean Mdledle is the 5year old you saved 35 years ago?”

Trapattoni: “Booth, are you questioning the validity of my story? Are you saying I am not a real hero?”

Matthew Booth: “Not at all sir, I was just questioning Mdledle’s age”

Trouble in Mayfair Special School

Teacher sends Mhlongo to go fetch a ruler for his geometry class, 20 minutes later Mhlongo returns with Colonel Khoza.

Mhlongo: “This is the best ruler I have ever known. People say he is a dictator but he gave us R17 million”

Teacher: “Oh my goodness, what does he has to do with geometry?”

Colonel: “Wa re metsi a dirang wena? Ke mang a jang metsi?”

Teacher: ”Not ‘jang-mentsi’, ge..o…me…try, geometry eish! I give up”

Colonel: "Look here wena, why you eat these boys jealous, why oba jela mona? Ke eng, is it the R17 million I gave them?"

Teacher: "No sir, I am not jealous and I don't envy their R17 million, it is just that I am concerned about their education, I want them to grow..."

Colonel: "Who said they want to grow? Otorogu, do you want to grow?"

Otorogu: “No sir, I want to remain a youngster”

Teacher: ”Sir, by growth I meant mentally not physically, I mean let’s call Mxhosa and show you what I mean”

[teacher calls on Jali]

Teacher: ”Mxhosa, what are you going to be when you retire from football?”

Jali: “A Legend”

Teacher: ”And what is a job of a legend?”

Jali: ”haaah mam, you know mos, legends go to Robert Marawa’s show every Friday”

Teacher: “Sir, you see what I mean? Mbuyani what are you going to be when you retire?”

Mbuyane: “Physician”

Colonel: ”Aha! You see, not all of them are bad”

Teacher: “Wow! Mbuyane congratulations on such a big word, now tell us do you know what Physicians do?”

Mbuyane: “Ha mam, they are physical body builders, they build strong men like Otorogu”

Otorogu: "Hey! hey! hey! Who is a stong man? I am a young boy... come here you piece of &*()"

Bhaka Juju finally finds his sense of humour

He takes his very old black & white shirt printed ‘Chibuku’ with big letters at the front, to its back he puts his own writing with a marking pen the words “The Champagne” we all know he meant to write ‘The Champion’ but anyway, he takes a pride walk in the streets of his neighbourhood singing Kabelo’s song “It’s either you love me or you leave me alone” He makes a first stop at his friend Khosi Kaofela home who unfortunately heard the singing and told his son to tell Bhaka-Juju he is not home. Unfortunately the son did not put it in a convincing manner: “Papa are ke go botse gore ga ateng (Dad said I should tell you he is not around)”

Bhaka Juju knowing his friend might be listening to the conversation, he tells the son: “bona my laaitie, tell your father I was not here to discuss football. I was here to apply for the Chiefs-Hollard Funeral Cover policy that he sells but since he is not here I might take my business elsewhere” Not wanting to lose a client Khosi comes out of the house furious at his son: “Hey wena son! Why do you always have to lie to people that I am not around? Is this the education they give you at school, to lie to your elders? nxa… go to your room” The son who is confused at the moment respond to his dad: “But dad, this is a one room house which room are you referring to?” Khosi get irritated by the son: “Hey wena son, go to your friends I am talking to elders here, vaya! This kind of attitude is the one that cost us the league… go son”

Bhaka Juju seeing that Khosi is really angry he throws in a question to shift his focus: “Just what comes with this Chiefs-Hollard Funeral Plan?”. Khosi now gets back to his selling senses: “Eh! Ja! eh! you see Bhaka, we all want a dignified funeral don’t we?. You see, with this plan, you not only get the coffin, you also get a Chiefs legend Marks Maponyane coming to cry in your funeral… I am telling you, he will cry to an extend that people get convinced that he knew you…Everyone will talk about your funeral Ntwana”


Bhaka Juju: “hohoho! Marks Maponyane crying in my funeral… that will be a funeral and a half... hohoho, my funeral! But tell me Khosi, can they also write on my coffin the words: ‘Here lies Bhaka Juju, The Champion of 2010-11 league, the same league that Chiefs claimed they will win but finished without even occupying number 1 spot?’

Khosi: “And...where are you going with this now?”
Bhaka Juju: “No-no-no Khosi, no harm, I just need more infomation. Now tell me, how much should I add to my plan if I want Kaizer to come and hold the umbrella for my coffin?”


That is the question that led to the chasing and throwing of stones at Bhaka Juju

Out of KZN, coming to a cinema near you

This Winter From the creators of Re jewa ka bo-Yellow
Presents:
OUT OF KZN
Staring: Katlego Mphela, Wayne Sandilands
Also Staring: Diyo Sibisi and Sibusiso Hadebe

Tag Line: Money and Style ain’t nothing in the PSL
Plot: They went to the Zulu Kingdom in search of 6 points. They only returned with 1 reality that they are out of the title race. Out of KZN out of the Race

Just how and why Mbuyane collapsed

The chap was lying on his beloved Goma Goma couch enjoying his self-made fig juice (made from feiye [in setswana] mkhiwane [in zulu] vy [in Afrikaans]) when he heard noises coming from the back of the house. Since his uncle’s unlicensed firearm was confiscated in Mpumalanga last year, he was left with no choice but to take a broom and a torch to the scene. He could see the bin contents moving out of the bin but could not see what was taking them, could it be a cat? he asked, but a cat can’t chew like that, whatever it is, it is too hungry. As he approaches the bin, about 4 steps away he lit his torch…whatever he saw, sent very strong shockwaves his mind and body could not handle… see the photo below: