Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
In Hungry Lion with Mr Sithole
Sithole: 1 drumstick and a roll please
Waitress: And the drink?
Sithole: What do you mean 'drink'? Do I look like Patrice Motsepe? Give me what I have ordered and leave me in peace...
Waitress: Sorry Sir, was just trying my best to be at your good service
Sithole: Good service my foot. I offered that team my best service last night, even gave a penalty that never was but look where I ended up today, Hungry Lion while others are enjoying Nandos peri-peri chicken
Waitress: But our chicken is also nice
Sithole: Nice? What do you know about nice? Is it nice to get less than half a salary? Is it nice to be blamed for George Lebese's penalty miss? Don't you ever mention that word to me cause you know nothing about its meaning...nxa
While Sithole is busy with the waitress the middleman who facilitated the deal between ref Sithole and the team in question Mr Jonas Nlhapo makes a stop at the restaurant counter: "How much will your meal cost me if I bring my own pap?"
Waitress: And the drink?
Sithole: What do you mean 'drink'? Do I look like Patrice Motsepe? Give me what I have ordered and leave me in peace...
Waitress: Sorry Sir, was just trying my best to be at your good service
Sithole: Good service my foot. I offered that team my best service last night, even gave a penalty that never was but look where I ended up today, Hungry Lion while others are enjoying Nandos peri-peri chicken
Waitress: But our chicken is also nice
Sithole: Nice? What do you know about nice? Is it nice to get less than half a salary? Is it nice to be blamed for George Lebese's penalty miss? Don't you ever mention that word to me cause you know nothing about its meaning...nxa
While Sithole is busy with the waitress the middleman who facilitated the deal between ref Sithole and the team in question Mr Jonas Nlhapo makes a stop at the restaurant counter: "How much will your meal cost me if I bring my own pap?"
Monday, August 15, 2011
Angry uncle writes to Mayfair Special School
Dear teacher or miss what what
That is why you like it for the Pirates and you are tired for the class. You see, my sincerely is not for the stupid. You must show me why the exam is failed for him. You see, Andile Jali is not for the fool's what-what. His English marks were robbed because is for me who is to give extra classes for every day after your school. Is it because he is not Zulu S or Sotho what-what, maybe Xhosa? Please ensure is fixing the problem and you for it must stop treating my sincerely to be like idiot, jealous down.
It is with great pleasure for the writing this.
Truly yours
Goodenough Sithole
That is why you like it for the Pirates and you are tired for the class. You see, my sincerely is not for the stupid. You must show me why the exam is failed for him. You see, Andile Jali is not for the fool's what-what. His English marks were robbed because is for me who is to give extra classes for every day after your school. Is it because he is not Zulu S or Sotho what-what, maybe Xhosa? Please ensure is fixing the problem and you for it must stop treating my sincerely to be like idiot, jealous down.
It is with great pleasure for the writing this.
Truly yours
Goodenough Sithole
Friday, August 5, 2011
The search is now extended to the public
On 18:30 Saturday (30-07-2011), SAPS dog-unit joined a team of searchers comprising of FNB stadium management, Black Label tournament organizers, and City of Johannesburg's Pickitup unit in search of the penalty ball that was kicked by Itumeleng Khune. After searching the streets of Naturena, Soweto, Boysen, Goldreef City, Riverlea and surrounding areas for 6 days, The ball is still nowhere to be found. However the search still continues, the last update is that the ball might have landed somewhere in Hillbrow, the search team are exploring those areas. Members of the public are requested to join the search. Any leads or info that might help in finding the ball can be reported to City of Joburg on 011 375 5555.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
How soccer bosses spent their 67 mins for Madiba
Kaizer Motaung: I took it upon myself to pay a one month installment of Kaizer Chiefs Hospital Cash-back Plan for 67 homeless people
Jomo Sono: I bought lunch for my 2 imaginary homeless-friends. Sat with them, had rounds of burgers. I was happy to see them smiling
Colonel Khoza: This year I chose to do something for the elderly people. I spent my 67 mins renewing Lucky Lekgwathi’s contract, all in Madiba’s spirit
Jimmy Augousti: I paid for a 67 minutes of studio time for my Siwelele-Fans to spend with iHashi Elimhlophe. Hope it will improve their soprano voices
Patrice Motsepe: I bought groceries for Sundowns Legends and Mambush finally got a new pair of socks. The poor man touched me last month when he appeared in old team socks in his formal shoes during the club’s player awards
While soccer bosses were busy enjoying their day, Benedict Vilakazi used Mandela day to his advantage. He was seen at Social Development offices trying to negotiate a disability grant. “Since when dwarfism became a disability? Sir please, you are wasting your time no one will approve this application” said the help-desk personnel.
Jomo Sono: I bought lunch for my 2 imaginary homeless-friends. Sat with them, had rounds of burgers. I was happy to see them smiling
Colonel Khoza: This year I chose to do something for the elderly people. I spent my 67 mins renewing Lucky Lekgwathi’s contract, all in Madiba’s spirit
Jimmy Augousti: I paid for a 67 minutes of studio time for my Siwelele-Fans to spend with iHashi Elimhlophe. Hope it will improve their soprano voices
Patrice Motsepe: I bought groceries for Sundowns Legends and Mambush finally got a new pair of socks. The poor man touched me last month when he appeared in old team socks in his formal shoes during the club’s player awards
While soccer bosses were busy enjoying their day, Benedict Vilakazi used Mandela day to his advantage. He was seen at Social Development offices trying to negotiate a disability grant. “Since when dwarfism became a disability? Sir please, you are wasting your time no one will approve this application” said the help-desk personnel.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
Victims talk of the house of pain
Charles Motlohi: “my cheek still has scratch marks from that Mambush slapping. That was a slap from hell”
Metthew Booth: “I was told I was not in the coach’s plans, but we had no coach at the time”
Hristo Stoichkov: “I was not fired, I resigned. I could not stand those bullies”
Jose Torelba: “I was told I have renewed my contract in Choorkop when I was in Venezuela during that time. Now people lost trust in me. When I signed a new contract for my new team Mineros, the team took photos and videos. They say they are protecting themselves incase in future I say I did not sign the contract”
Dino Ndlovu: “I spent 3 months without pay, when I inquired I was told I was under age, and the law is against child labour”
Manqoba Ngwenya: “For 7 years I was promised that my time will come, indeed my time came this year when I was shown the door”
Bennedict Vilakazi: “I am broke, I got no income and yet I still have 1 year left on my contract”
Antonio Habas: "My wife was admitted in hospital after seeing me on TV surrounded by those hooligans. Can you believe they even threatened my translator?"
Vuyo Mere: "Only one flying hand ball and all of a sudden I am a bird. After that penalty they told me to join the Dube Birds since I like flying... that's how I got to Swallows"
Ian Gorowa: "I went to the office to show them my plans for next season when they asked me what plans? what season? who are you? I said it's me the coach... they asked, says who? That's when I realized I am fired"
Metthew Booth: “I was told I was not in the coach’s plans, but we had no coach at the time”
Hristo Stoichkov: “I was not fired, I resigned. I could not stand those bullies”
Jose Torelba: “I was told I have renewed my contract in Choorkop when I was in Venezuela during that time. Now people lost trust in me. When I signed a new contract for my new team Mineros, the team took photos and videos. They say they are protecting themselves incase in future I say I did not sign the contract”
Dino Ndlovu: “I spent 3 months without pay, when I inquired I was told I was under age, and the law is against child labour”
Manqoba Ngwenya: “For 7 years I was promised that my time will come, indeed my time came this year when I was shown the door”
Bennedict Vilakazi: “I am broke, I got no income and yet I still have 1 year left on my contract”
Antonio Habas: "My wife was admitted in hospital after seeing me on TV surrounded by those hooligans. Can you believe they even threatened my translator?"
Vuyo Mere: "Only one flying hand ball and all of a sudden I am a bird. After that penalty they told me to join the Dube Birds since I like flying... that's how I got to Swallows"
Ian Gorowa: "I went to the office to show them my plans for next season when they asked me what plans? what season? who are you? I said it's me the coach... they asked, says who? That's when I realized I am fired"
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