After resurrecting his Bunene Ngaduane look-alike hair cut at the taxi rank. Khosi headed straight to his friend Baka Juju to catch a Chiefs VS Ajax game. Just before he could reach the entrance, Baka Juju spot him: “Eish, this ever-hungry boy has no timing, why does he always choose to pitch at this crucial time when I am about to finish cooking?” Baka Juju welcomes Khosi with a crocodile smile and makes him to sit at the TV room: “Haai, sisonke Khosi, ungahlala ngale…”
At this point the greedy Baka Juju is running out of plans on how to get rid of Khosi: “Should I tell him I just received an SMS about my uncle’s sudden heart attack…Eish, this boy won’t leave anyway he will come with an excuse that he will look after the house when I go check my uncle…”
Then Baka Juju, opened the pot that was busy boiling-up the Chicken, replaced the boiling water with the ice-cubes from the refrigerator to delay the cooking process. He carried on with the process until the end of the game. But Khosi still won’t leave since he had already smelt the chicken. Frustrated by this, Baka Juju made-up a phone conversation: “Hey Dawana how are you…What!!! Khosi’s girlfriend is in hospital? What happened?” before he could finish with his false call, Khosi interrupted: “Ag, it’s probably epilepsy, she gets one of those attacks every time when Chiefs gets defeated, let’s just eat and we’ll visit her later”
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Hell breaks loose in Cape
Newlands-Cape Town: He enters the field running at a speedy pace he had never reached before. What is he up to? the assistants ask each other. Mr Peter Mabuza blows his whistle declaring the start of the first leg of the MTN Top 8 semifinal game between Ajax and Chiefs.
Several minutes into the game, out of the blue Mr Mabuza blows his whistle. The game is paused, everyone is surprised and wants to know the reason for the halt. He runs to his linesman and asks “What’s going on?” His linesman responds “I don’t know, you are the one who blew the whistle, you tell me”. He thinks for a while and asks his linesman “since you are a Cape-Townian, do you think that cheap drug called Tik is too powerful for me?”... ‘What!!!’ exclaimed the linesman, Mr Mabuza runs back to continue with the game.
Few minutes later, Chiefs defender Rooi clears the ball close to his goal post. Instead of granting a corner-kick to Ajax, Mr Mabuza gives a goal-kick to Chiefs. Ajax players give him that protesting look while at the other hand Chiefs players are smiling. Mr Mabuza gets irritated by Khune’s smile and changes his goal-kick decision to a penalty. “Is he out of his mind?” his linesmen ask each other. Khune asks him what is the penalty for, Mr Mabuza tells Khune “You think you know too much. Let’s see if you can stop this penalty like you did with Bennet Chenene’s in Vodacom semis”
After Ajax’s Dipsy scored from the penalty kick, Mr Mabuza runs to the center of the field happily roaring the words ‘Abashwe, let these dogs die…Who do they think they are to win every Cup, Ayeye…Shapa Ajax Shapa”. That angered the fans and missiles were thrown into the field…
Several minutes into the game, out of the blue Mr Mabuza blows his whistle. The game is paused, everyone is surprised and wants to know the reason for the halt. He runs to his linesman and asks “What’s going on?” His linesman responds “I don’t know, you are the one who blew the whistle, you tell me”. He thinks for a while and asks his linesman “since you are a Cape-Townian, do you think that cheap drug called Tik is too powerful for me?”... ‘What!!!’ exclaimed the linesman, Mr Mabuza runs back to continue with the game.
Few minutes later, Chiefs defender Rooi clears the ball close to his goal post. Instead of granting a corner-kick to Ajax, Mr Mabuza gives a goal-kick to Chiefs. Ajax players give him that protesting look while at the other hand Chiefs players are smiling. Mr Mabuza gets irritated by Khune’s smile and changes his goal-kick decision to a penalty. “Is he out of his mind?” his linesmen ask each other. Khune asks him what is the penalty for, Mr Mabuza tells Khune “You think you know too much. Let’s see if you can stop this penalty like you did with Bennet Chenene’s in Vodacom semis”
After Ajax’s Dipsy scored from the penalty kick, Mr Mabuza runs to the center of the field happily roaring the words ‘Abashwe, let these dogs die…Who do they think they are to win every Cup, Ayeye…Shapa Ajax Shapa”. That angered the fans and missiles were thrown into the field…
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Baka-Juju at it again…
While watching his team battling for MTN 8 semifinal spot with Ajax Cape town on DS TV SS4, sitting on his Goma-Goma lounge suite he bought from Lewis Furnitures, wearing a black & white shirt and a helmet embedded with a car registration plate written ‘Happy People 4ever’, Baka-Juju tells his friend about how Pirates got recharged energy from Charity Cup victory. His big satellite dish is hanging on a standalone pole 2 miters away from his shack.
Ajax scored an opener but Baka-Juju took it with a smile and said to his friend “Ladies First…” His friend asked if he was not angered by his team’s defense, Baka-Juju said to his friend it is not the culture of the “Happy People” to get angry or blame one another. Instead they focus on a come back and indeed Katlego equalized for them.
After the equalizer, Baka-Juju went on about how he wish to meet Chiefs in the final of the MTN 8, but a 77th minute goal from Ajax’s Dipsy changed everything for Baka-Juju. Firstly he threw his friend out: “You don’t deserve to sit on my expensive couch you piece of %$*%”, then destroyed the satellite dish with an axe while swearing “I am paying heavy monthly installment to see crap…you piece of &#*&%”. His neighbor came out to investigate the noise, only to be pursued by crazy Juju with an axe.
When police arrived at the scene they still could not understand what was going on as Baka-Juju was still running after his neighbor with an axe while the back of his shirt was printed in big letters the words “Happy People Forever”
Ajax scored an opener but Baka-Juju took it with a smile and said to his friend “Ladies First…” His friend asked if he was not angered by his team’s defense, Baka-Juju said to his friend it is not the culture of the “Happy People” to get angry or blame one another. Instead they focus on a come back and indeed Katlego equalized for them.
After the equalizer, Baka-Juju went on about how he wish to meet Chiefs in the final of the MTN 8, but a 77th minute goal from Ajax’s Dipsy changed everything for Baka-Juju. Firstly he threw his friend out: “You don’t deserve to sit on my expensive couch you piece of %$*%”, then destroyed the satellite dish with an axe while swearing “I am paying heavy monthly installment to see crap…you piece of &#*&%”. His neighbor came out to investigate the noise, only to be pursued by crazy Juju with an axe.
When police arrived at the scene they still could not understand what was going on as Baka-Juju was still running after his neighbor with an axe while the back of his shirt was printed in big letters the words “Happy People Forever”
Friday, July 17, 2009
HOW KIDS FIND YOUR TEAM NEW JERSEY?
Orlando Pirates
Kid 1: Yes!!! Now I remember. It looks like uncle Julius Malema’s pajamas
Kid 2: mmm... Hahahaha,hehehe... it is hilarious
Kid 3: Does that red color symbolizes skeleton’s blood?
Kid 4: I think uncle Robert Mugabe would rather give up Zimbabwe than to wear it
Kid 5: It looks scary, but it could make the freaks in the horror movie ‘Wrong Turn’ look good
Mamelodi Sundowns
Kid 1: Ahhh!!! It looks like the one I saw on the photo worn by my grandpa and his primary-school team mates
Kid 2: mmmh...mmh...Is it going to be worn by girls? I think it is not good for boys?
Kid 3: My brother thinks Daniel Mudau looked much better with his greasy perm hairstyle in that old glossy Disprin jersey?
Kid 4: Is it for netball?
Kid 5: Sorry but I can’t stop laughing when I imagine uncle Alex Shakoane’s dark skin color and his golden rings in that yellow jersey
Kaizer Chiefs
Kid 1: Yeah!!! I like it. It looks good
Kid 2: I think Zakumi will love it
Kid 1: Yes!!! Now I remember. It looks like uncle Julius Malema’s pajamas
Kid 2: mmm... Hahahaha,hehehe... it is hilarious
Kid 3: Does that red color symbolizes skeleton’s blood?
Kid 4: I think uncle Robert Mugabe would rather give up Zimbabwe than to wear it
Kid 5: It looks scary, but it could make the freaks in the horror movie ‘Wrong Turn’ look good
Mamelodi Sundowns
Kid 1: Ahhh!!! It looks like the one I saw on the photo worn by my grandpa and his primary-school team mates
Kid 2: mmmh...mmh...Is it going to be worn by girls? I think it is not good for boys?
Kid 3: My brother thinks Daniel Mudau looked much better with his greasy perm hairstyle in that old glossy Disprin jersey?
Kid 4: Is it for netball?
Kid 5: Sorry but I can’t stop laughing when I imagine uncle Alex Shakoane’s dark skin color and his golden rings in that yellow jersey
Kaizer Chiefs
Kid 1: Yeah!!! I like it. It looks good
Kid 2: I think Zakumi will love it
Monday, July 13, 2009
Robert Mugabe’s promise to Africa
Accra, Ghana - While addressing African leaders on challenges facing Africa in Ghana, US president Barack Obama mentioned Zimbabwean crisis as a matter that should be given a high priority. Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe stood up and gave his word to more than 52 delegates of the continent and this is what he said: “I, Robert Gabriel Mugabe promise to step down from government on one and only one condition: if Orlando Pirates win a recognizable trophy in the PSL. My resignation will be effective from that day”
All Africans looked down showing signs of losing hope since they know that day will never come. "This is a shame" responded Morgan Tsvangarai, "This means Mugabe wants to die at the presidency, we cannot agree to this, we all know Pirates will not win against Chiefs anytime soon, Mugabe has even sent some Zimbabwean players to Chiefs to make sure of that. This is just some dirty games Mugabe's playing to make sure he rules until he dies"
All Africans looked down showing signs of losing hope since they know that day will never come. "This is a shame" responded Morgan Tsvangarai, "This means Mugabe wants to die at the presidency, we cannot agree to this, we all know Pirates will not win against Chiefs anytime soon, Mugabe has even sent some Zimbabwean players to Chiefs to make sure of that. This is just some dirty games Mugabe's playing to make sure he rules until he dies"
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
How to spot your fellow soccer team fan?
How to spot a Sundowns fan?
He wears an old disprin yellow jersey at non soccer events
You see him at doctors’ strikes, taxi strikes, security strikes, truck drivers strike etc…just what the heck is his occupation?
He always talks of Motsepe’s billions while begging money to buy a cigarette
He always compares his clubs’ successes to that of Chiefs
How to spot a Celtics fan?
Simple: Any man that celebrates a lose while wearing ladies bra and a shower cap
How to spot a SuperSport fan?
You get him in taverns drinking milk in ice cubes…ke letsatsantsa
He does not support bafana bafana, he is unique
How do you spot a Chiefs fan?
He/she talks less in soccer topics, his team’s wining record speaks for him
How to spot a Pirates fan?
He/she always talk of his team’s come back every end of season
He/she is violent and the main reason why Chiefs fans talk less
He wears an old disprin yellow jersey at non soccer events
You see him at doctors’ strikes, taxi strikes, security strikes, truck drivers strike etc…just what the heck is his occupation?
He always talks of Motsepe’s billions while begging money to buy a cigarette
He always compares his clubs’ successes to that of Chiefs
How to spot a Celtics fan?
Simple: Any man that celebrates a lose while wearing ladies bra and a shower cap
How to spot a SuperSport fan?
You get him in taverns drinking milk in ice cubes…ke letsatsantsa
He does not support bafana bafana, he is unique
How do you spot a Chiefs fan?
He/she talks less in soccer topics, his team’s wining record speaks for him
How to spot a Pirates fan?
He/she always talk of his team’s come back every end of season
He/she is violent and the main reason why Chiefs fans talk less
Once a Pirate always a Pirate by OJ Mabizela
I was once a good person. Everyone used to sing praises of the good things I used to do. Then I joined Pirates. My whole life changed. I now make headlines for doing bad things. I need help, I consulted psychologists, priests, traditional healers, magicians etc...and all of them are unable to assist me. All they say is one thing: I have put an irreversible curse to my life by joining Orlando Pirates. Gift Leremi left Pirates and passed away shortly afterwards. Ronald Mkandawire and Bibi Mutombo also passed away after leaving the team. Mandla 'Metroblitz' Sithole appeared in court for stabbing someone to death. Lucky Lekhwathi also appeared in court for robbery and injuring someone with a knife. Jimmy Tau is beginning to hear strange things like whistles that were never blown. What have I done to myself to behave like Jabu and Steve? I guess they are right ONCE A PIRATE ALWAYS A PIRATE
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