Never let excitement carry you away, a lesson from Litha Nxabi

Carried over by the excitement of playing in the first Charity Cup of his life, the Amazulu player does something he never ever dreamed of doing. He initiates a move on a lady he has been fearing for the past 2 years, a lady he had been admiring but avoiding eye contact with let alone voicing out an innocent 2 letter word ‘hi’. Previously, Litha would pass that lady and never look back as if he would turn into a pillar of salt like Lot’s wife in the bible. But not on that day, maybe Litha was also influenced by the presence of his captain Pere Ariweriyai when he uttered the words: “Bongi, if you were not in a hurry I would walk with you on your way home”. Surprised by the confident voice of the shy Litha, the pretty Bongi pauses for a while, turns her heard, smiles at Litha and says: “I am not really in a hurry, you can join me”. A stray bullet shot from a gun of reality stroke Litha straight into his heart. His knees trembled with fear, he wished the world could tear apart so he can go inside its hole and hide forever. He prayed for the wind to reverse his words. As he was going through those scary thoughts, Pere padded him on the shoulder and whispered to his ears: “Litha, the lady is waiting”. If you thought Usain Bolt was the fastest man in the world, then you did not see Litha Nxambi on that day. Chest up in the air, head facing the sky, eyes fully focusing on the road, All Star tekkies barely touching the ground, he left Pere eating dust at the back…

Zooming in on Wits star Sfiso Myeni

Sfiso Myeni is undoubtedly SA’s next big thing. In this article we talk to the best friend of Wits’ right wing to find out the real man behind this shining star. Baboro has been Sfiso's friend for many years now:

Firstly let me highlight that the Sfiso you see on SABC is not the actual Sfiso. I don’t know why but some how I feel SABC’s poor picture quality (resolution) makes him look bad. Anyway I grew up with Sfiso in Lawley (Johannesburg). I think the man who should get all the credit for making Sfiso the disciplined star he is today is his brother. That brother of his was a strange man. I remember we used to play ‘di ali’ (marble games) at Sfiso’s place. His brother would go to the the toilet outside the house to do his stuff and later realize there’s no toilet-paper. He would yell for Sfiso to go fetch the toilet- paper from the house. Sfiso loved the marble game too much and would not quit the game for a mere toilet-paper. He argued with his brother on that day until the brother came out of the toilet without wiping and said straight into Sfiso’s face: “You think you are smart, now let’s see how you react when your friends will be laughing at you saying your brother doesn’t wipe and smells of dung” And indeed we mocked Sfiso about his brother. From that day Sfiso started listening to the elders most especially the ones from his home coz he realized the consequences of not doing so. Today my friend is the most disciplined young star in the PSL...

Bafana's plan B

Big trouble in little Chloorkop village

The Choorkop Tuck-Shop owner couldn’t sleep last night. His mind was occupied by the date May 22. He knows there’s something special about this date but could not figure out what it is. Seconds after giving it a thorough thought, he storms out of bed wearing his glossy yellow shirt printed ‘Ellerines’. He turns his room upside-down looking for his credit-book. He finds it with the following listings:
(1) Cheeseboy: Items (13 loafs, 8 sachets of Sweet Aid, 3 cups of Artcha), Means of payment: Nedbank Cup Bonuses, Due Date: May 22.
(2) Vuyo Mere: Items (11 loafs, 4 avocados), Means of payment: Nedbank Cup Bonuses, Due Date: May 22.
(3) Spider Baloyi: Items (BB smoking mixture X 15 ,11 marble-chappies bubble gums), Means of payment: Nedbank Cup Bonuses, Due Date: May 22.NB: Slow payer
(4)....
“e-e-e-e, those boys are out of the cup. How will they pay me?”. Mind you it’s 2:00 am, he sprints to Cheeseboy’s room like a hungry cheetah going for a kill. He knocks hard on Cheeseboy’s door and windows: “hey! Cheese, Chesee…” . Cheeseboy couldn’t hold-up anymore and eventually disguises his voice and answers (in lady’s voice): “Uncle Mambush! Who do you want?” Mambush: “Hey wena! I want Cheeseboy, where is he” Cheeseboy: “He left for training” Mambush: “Ok, when he returns, tell him if he still wants to live he must have my all money by 6 am”. Cheeseboy: “How much?” Mambush: “R450”. Cheeseboy loses it and responds in his own voice “Hau, hau! R450. No way bra-Mambush. I owe you R200”. That’s when Mambush broke the door.

Who is Zakumi?

The person behind Zakumi will be revealed after the tournament. But our scorpions have gone undercover to reveal the person before the end of the tournament. We have learned that the person inside the mascot is actually a well known person (a public figure). Below is a list of suspects:

(1) Jacob Zuma other than his height matching that of the mascot, the President was never seen in a single event with Zakumi. Every time he is out of the country Zakumi appears in public events doing such dances...you know what I am talking about
(2) Pitso Mosimane, initially given the task of assistant coach by previous SAFA administrators but new administrators roped in more Brazilians as assistant coaches, kit managers, goalkeeper coaches, team bus drivers and water boys, leaving the only position of the team’s mascot to South Africans
(3) Joel Santana, the big-nosed man mentioned from the first day of his appointment as head coach that he is going nowhere. He will be with Bafana alongside the pitch, on the bench. Zakumi has a seat alongside the pitch.
(4) Jabu Pule (Mahlangu), he was reported playing in Sweden but no one has ever seen his Swedish games. At times Zakumi appears to be drunk. The other day Paraguay scored against Bafana and Zakumi raised from the bench and joined Paraguay in celebration by initiating a Mexican wave
(5) Nelson Madela, has anyone seen how slow the mascot can be sometimes? Has anyone seen Madiba ever since the beginning of the Confed Cup?

At least there's one man who still believes...

At least there’s one man who still believes Orlando Pirates will turn the tables around come next season.

Dawana in hot waters, again

Wearing his favorite yellow shirt he storms out of his dwelling blowing his vuvuzela loud. The printing on his shirt ‘Nike - Just did it’ instead of ‘Nike - Just do it’ is a clear indication that he bought it somewhere in Marabastad. Otherwise Dawana is a happy man since his team had just knocked Pirates out of the Nedbank Cup. He makes his first stop at MaMahlangu Chillers at the corner house where he finds Bakajuju drowning his sorrows.

Dawana: “Not even a penalty could help you beat us, I bet if we played extra 90 minutes you would still fail to score another goal”
Bakajuju: “I bet if I hit you with this dumpie in your mouth, you will never say another word”
Dawana is stunned and does not know what to do. He orders a dumpie of black label, looks at Bakajuju every now and then…He wants to say something but Bakajuju’s words still play in his head. He can’t help it but keeps his distance and yells: “Only if I was allowed to say another word I would say ‘nidliwe’ “ That’s when the chase began…