Once upon a time there was a gorilla...

Once upon a time there was a gorilla in a man suit which terrorized the village of Chief Madondo. The village had a special Banana field reserved for hunger season. Every morning after the calabash night where villagers drink themselves to their sleep from the home brewed beer, the Chief would find a number of unripe bananas half eaten with their peels. “No human can bite green bananas with their peels, whoever did this must have large canine teeth, could it be a beast? Why is this only happening after the calabash night? Could the beast be among us?” the chief interrogated himself until he came up with a plan to catch the culprit…

Chief Madondo called a meeting and everyone got seated under the big tree. The Chief put up a big poster for all to read and observed everyone’s reaction. All villagers laughed after reading the poster but the animal in a man suit not only burst into laughter, he rolled on the ground, hit its chest, and laughed till it dropped its fake teeth to expose its large canines….Guess what was written on the poster:

“Pirates will win the league this season”

Scotts Emulsion, a solution to SA players height problem?

After scoring a superb goal against Pirates in the Charity Cup, Lucky Khune celebrated with a back somersault. On his way back to his side’s half he passed close by the Sundowns grandstand singing: ‘Scott’s Emulsion I like you, you help me to grow’. Hearing the song, Vilakazi immediately dropped his Castle Lite bottle, Esrom Nyandoro who was watching all this padded Vilakazi on his shoulder and said: “Tso forget it, that thing won’t work on those old bones of yours, you should have tried it at an earlier age”

Never let excitement carry you away, a lesson from Litha Nxabi

Carried over by the excitement of playing in the first Charity Cup of his life, the Amazulu player does something he never ever dreamed of doing. He initiates a move on a lady he has been fearing for the past 2 years, a lady he had been admiring but avoiding eye contact with let alone voicing out an innocent 2 letter word ‘hi’. Previously, Litha would pass that lady and never look back as if he would turn into a pillar of salt like Lot’s wife in the bible. But not on that day, maybe Litha was also influenced by the presence of his captain Pere Ariweriyai when he uttered the words: “Bongi, if you were not in a hurry I would walk with you on your way home”. Surprised by the confident voice of the shy Litha, the pretty Bongi pauses for a while, turns her heard, smiles at Litha and says: “I am not really in a hurry, you can join me”. A stray bullet shot from a gun of reality stroke Litha straight into his heart. His knees trembled with fear, he wished the world could tear apart so he can go inside its hole and hide forever. He prayed for the wind to reverse his words. As he was going through those scary thoughts, Pere padded him on the shoulder and whispered to his ears: “Litha, the lady is waiting”. If you thought Usain Bolt was the fastest man in the world, then you did not see Litha Nxambi on that day. Chest up in the air, head facing the sky, eyes fully focusing on the road, All Star tekkies barely touching the ground, he left Pere eating dust at the back…

Zooming in on Wits star Sfiso Myeni

Sfiso Myeni is undoubtedly SA’s next big thing. In this article we talk to the best friend of Wits’ right wing to find out the real man behind this shining star. Baboro has been Sfiso's friend for many years now:

Firstly let me highlight that the Sfiso you see on SABC is not the actual Sfiso. I don’t know why but some how I feel SABC’s poor picture quality (resolution) makes him look bad. Anyway I grew up with Sfiso in Lawley (Johannesburg). I think the man who should get all the credit for making Sfiso the disciplined star he is today is his brother. That brother of his was a strange man. I remember we used to play ‘di ali’ (marble games) at Sfiso’s place. His brother would go to the the toilet outside the house to do his stuff and later realize there’s no toilet-paper. He would yell for Sfiso to go fetch the toilet- paper from the house. Sfiso loved the marble game too much and would not quit the game for a mere toilet-paper. He argued with his brother on that day until the brother came out of the toilet without wiping and said straight into Sfiso’s face: “You think you are smart, now let’s see how you react when your friends will be laughing at you saying your brother doesn’t wipe and smells of dung” And indeed we mocked Sfiso about his brother. From that day Sfiso started listening to the elders most especially the ones from his home coz he realized the consequences of not doing so. Today my friend is the most disciplined young star in the PSL...